Once again, I must report that my days have been folding over rather well. My climb up Maslow's Hierchey (mispelled mostlikely) is speeding up...kind of. Is it possible to like.. move around on the list? Like, skip a step and come back later? Like, I know that you can acheive enlightenment or whatever in little moments, but like... you know?

Im so sleepy! Im going to go get a coffee whence I am finished in this class. I havnt been the the gym in so long!!! I feel fat and gross. like.. greasy... do you guys get that feeling.. greasy?

my clavical feels funny when i breath.

I like picking new classes becuase i have to wonder who is going to be in them with me... I dont know.

Cant wait till me and Ever get to hang in December!!!!!!woo.

I like the sweater Im wearing right now.. very fresh...for lack of a better word.

Oh god, Apperantly my little sister erika (el diablo) just found out I have bursitis, and she started crying telling me "im sorry , im sorry" casue she was pressing my shoulder and stuff, so it was hurting a bit, but like.. really, its not that bad to shed tears over!!! Like, to cry about! Gooosshhhhhhh. female sensitivity is somethign else I do say. I kept telling her over and over again that Im not dying, or going to accelerate my death because of it, but she seems super disturbed by it.. like, my momhas it too cause of that stupid accident. But geeeeeze.  Poor young'in

So my research paper was like..done, and then it wasnt, and now im almost done again. :D

I have so many chemistries to take!!!!! AHHHHH i fear it, I almost do. I have to take up to Calculus 3!!!!! fml... if I had known I would have never have taken moron statistics. EVER@ I would have started loading on sciences this year, so I could leave bc early adn start my M.D. a year ahead! hahahaha. pity.

 Psych test on tuesday...I need to study... Ive barley read this chapter. ahhh and i have a project in that class to! ... pity.
I HAVE FOUR DAY WEEKEND NEXT SEMESTER!!! THURS AND FRI OFFFFF!!!!!!! SWEET VICTORY. but i have 2 online classes, so Im sure that will make up for it. pthhhhh.

Ive been in a great mood latley.

Thanks to Renee Pelus, I have rejoined my sanity. Kinda of.
I picked my classes that work:
ENC1102 H Online
LIT.... H Online
CHM1045 H Online
CHM1045 L
MAC2312
=eng, short story lit, general chm there all honors.. then chem lab and calculus and anylitical geometry BC ...15 credits? AND IM STILL BEHIND!
..bllahhhh
I have two classs online so I will be needing that laptop my parents have been promising me since graduation. XPS Studio 16... probably black...

Ive been feeling very pleased with myself for the past few days, Ive also been having very great days! Im doing my research paper..blah... oh well.

My friend's boyfriend thought that I was Philipino.... me... Philipino.. most usually guess hispanic or some kinda middle eastern... Funniest thing was that I thought he was Philipino... he's argintinian... This world we live in.

Hahahahahaha! The cougar lives! So I think Asian#2 is 16!!!! That makes him very attracitive! THENNNN HES BRILLIANT! Maybe not brilliant, but smart. Hes doing ap bio and dual enrollment.. niether really take brains.. but asian usually peaks for itself. I find it very entertaining when he studies out of his SAT Prep book. Do I have issues? No, minor entertainment problems.

Ashley wont let me make woody a hemp braclet. It all started when I asked If I could get him a watch or somethign as a present.. and shes like "NO! HE DOESNT EVEN WHER THE RING I BOUGHT HIM!" I dont know if shes blind, but he wears the ring everytiem he sees her as far as I know. Girls who have great things tend to always look for something to fight about, and in cases as such, they formulate them...pity.

Recently, they have put up the timefor the classes being held next semester. Result? Im going to raise hell if they don't work something out with my schedual...HELL. I actually cried from frustration today... I rarley do that. So what did I do in return? I went outside and chopped down a tree. Do I feel better? No, but I did at the time. Why did I chop down a tree, being such a pro-planter? Because it already bared its bannanas and my dad would have asked me to do it tomorrow... I hadn't done any creative slashing since early senior year... still got it!! haha

But yes, the point: A swe know, our little Victorai Nadia Goordeen is trying to get an MD at the end of her 8X8X8 name... If I cant take 6 classes a semester starting winter term, Im fucked. My whole plan I've been conjuring for 2 years would have been blown to smitherines because REL2300H, and CHM1045H is at the exact same time on the exact same days... I tried to volley world religions with physics, and lab..its also the same time as chem..and lab!, then I tried to turn it again with bio, and lab(death), same thing...then aerobics ...same thing... soooooo. Im fucked, i need to make another appointment with my counceler... I need ot find out who the hell makes the times for the classes... I willget what I want...I always do.

That moron took 5 points of m test and didnt even knwo why!, I saw 94% on my paper, I almost died. I knowwwww I did everything right, so I made him change it back to my right ful 100%...hmph. he was pleasant about it though.

Im going o kill christine.. KILL. All she does is lay on her bed and argue with her dumb boyfriend. Tip for you future love birds out there:
If you fight in the begining, it only gets worst. Tip 2: Don't be afraid to break up with anyone... or let friends go. Sure it may hurt them for a while, BUT! as biology has proved, that animals DO adapt to there situations, and those who can't adapt die. Good riddance. If you can't deal with simple things as such, you should die, your not making the world any better, and nor would you be making anyone upset, and if you do adn they can't adapt, they will die too, and join ou..so there truley is no loss. Equilibrium.

My temper is rather radioactive right now. My house has too much negative energy. Im moving out.  UUHGGGGGGGGGGGGG I WISH  I COULD SAY THAT SO EASILY! .. bu tI cant... oh well. Happy Halloween chaps.

 Here chris goes again... KILL I SAY!....heheh, i will take her sim card and she will never guess!!! hahahaha HAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHA

I have subconciously developed and Asian-Boy-crazy problem and dont care who knows it.

Doing good in school, hope it keeps up.

In the library.

I am too much

I HAVE FRIENDS! Actually, I think one out of two doesnt like me cause im a little off the charts with my converations/content.. btu hey, who cares?

Gym=good, i do leg press at 270pds!!!! how great right? ... thats not even my max!

Men are dogs.
If its Mark: I dont care! (hes the sexy asian guy) who was wearing white today and I could see his delicious chest. Therefore fantisize about it... keeps me young. haha

Did a stats test today. My teacher is kinda a moron.. I think its cause hes getting older-er like.. he confuses little thihngs, adn writes/gives us the wrong formulas, and works on the bored for a hour or so then finds out hes nto doing the right thing. Its kinda depressing.. not really.. just boring.. depressing in the fact that the man has taught for eons and now he's loosing touch. But yes! He, I belive, confuses the majority of the class unless they have read the book. Its so funny seeign race come into play. Well asians atleast. There are 4 indians, and one pointy eyed... and like.. were the smarter few.. its just fun to see.

My faec itches. Hmmmm. Got an A on my psych test... one out of two.. I didnt expect much diffrent. Like, all teh kids in almost all my classes are relitivly dumb. I hate seeing wasted potential. But like my mom says to make me feel better I guess "If everyone was a rocket scientist, who will be the garbage man?"

Ive been workign out, loosign a little wiehgt, but building muscle like wtf. I only have 1 inch of fat on my stomach, and then its packs, the thing is i still look chuby!. WHAT TO DO?!?!?!?!?!? if anyone can answer this, I will be eternally greatful.

Someone asked me if my eyes were real today. Hahahahaha. I woulda said "No, there transplants"... but I didnt want to provoke conversation.

I had a funny and vivid dream last night.. In all honesty it made me sad, but it was true. Oh well.

My dad faces paralysis! WTF! He has couple of disk injuries and something starting with an "E" but i don't quite remember. Its kinda odd, cause all of us, (my sibilings and I) always wished for him to under go torment, but now that he is, we would do anythign to take it back. I've been "Man of the house" fo rthe past month, and I must say its a busy life; always somethign to fix, someone to please, limited "me" time. It sthe least I can do for him though. The least.

School is good. I just wish I had a group of friends.. for some reason that always makes everything better. Like real friends, not fake freinds.. like "oh yo wats up bro, hows your life?" no... like idk..but not fake. Im tierd of superficial relationships with human beings.. I want some osuls of my own...besides mainly woody's and ashleys... there souls are intertwined. There so cute. Actually insperational... How do you find love like that? I get sensitive sometimes thinking about it and I cry of happiness. Me and ash cry together... yes..friends like those..

Hmmmm. I feel.... bored.. slightly exaughsted.. but ive shoved that under my unconcious.. gay!.. hmmmm. borreeddddddd. I thank god everyday for the classes I took in charter... mainly anat/phys, genetics, physics, pratos class, and maybe bio....ohhh ond quigley...love the chap, if he wasnt old, and sensitive, ide marry him.

Okay..I have to go study the reticular formation and split brain surgery..i kinda feel like i wanna be a neuro-surgeon.  OH right, half the reaosn for this post:
My psych book said "The hypothalamus controls the 4 maind biological drives, more commonly known as the "Four F's": Fighting, Fleeing, Feeding, adn Mating" ...they ment fucking.. like... I love it.

Jeusus Christ Summer went quick! It was good though, This was probably the better summer in a couple years... early...oh god, but later it was good once the borders were finally established... Bloody hell, school in 4 days?!?!?!?!?!  God I pray my credits are still good whence I get outta there... My feet are killing me, Ive been on them all day...bagging orders... God Im full... and fat... + I have a tan every wher except my face due to my new liking of Husband-Beaters and my tendancy to tilt my head downward...I look like a skunk. I have a wierd glow though... my skin shines..thats cool... My first class starts at 12:30 on Mon. ... so like.. Yeah me.. I can just sleep till 11:30 hope in the shower, drive for 2 minutes, and be their with 30 minutes to spear... LG: ... OOO I need to get that dumb ID thing... efffffff.... my toes hurt.... my little sister erikia reallly likes potato chips.. which is why shes spreading like a whale... but still... thier good... but thers only so much I can eat......im exhausted.. I wish my dad had the fish in like.. a warehouse or soemthing so we wouldnt have to maintain outside in teh mud and heat...mainly the heat.. the skin on my feet renews ...sometimes I wonder how much protazoa and fun microbacteria are in thier..but Im not totally aware of thier damage so it doesnt bother me much. I went to walmart and saw scented socks today. Wierd right? Whats next. Okay..Nap Nap time.My hands taste funny. hence shower time..God I love baths.. water, what a great molecule eh?

AMBERNESS!!!!! UHHHHHHHH YOU HAVE ME HEAR LISTENING TO PASSION PIT AND WATCHING ALL OF THE PICTURES WE TOOK LAST YEAR!!!.. and theres a fucking lot if I might add. Your like.. my best friend!!!Knowing that you were righ tthier in ppines adn I could generally jogg there I was fine.. BTU I CANT JOGG TO THE PAN HANDLE! Hmph..I miss you already!... I think If I see you in person I might start crying.. mainly becasu eIm a moldin person..but hey what do ya want? Kyle was in like.. all the pictures too, oh I didnt realize how long its been, I just wanted to jump into the pictures like Blue and hug you guys to death. LOVE YA BITCH!... hmph..have a jolly old time in your morge pizza place!

Ill miss you!

Quick Thought:

Origin: The sun is made of hydrogen gas atoms fusing thier nucleus together to form helium. 100 pounds of hydrogen equals 99 pounds of helium , the lost pound of gas is given off as energy. Nulear bombs is the only manmade fusion we can do. We cant control this fusion.

Thought: A car engine works by taking in air through the intake manifold, the air is filtered, then it is mixed with petrol in the carberator, adn the spark plug ignites creating a controled explosion causing the piston to move downwar and the crankshaft to move...Why can we just invent a giant piston ...i dont know what the fuck we'de use it for cause this isnt a completely thought out thought..but im sure we could use it for something.

Applying science is so much funner than learnign about it in general. I think thats why alot of people dont like it. I also think thats why I like anatomy adn physiolgoy so much..its like.. teh best avaliable applied science class...

Did you knwo that the moon used to (theoretically) protect the earth from collision with meteors..then it stopped for some reason, hence pangea adn onward... and earth used to spin 5 tiems as fast...can you imagine the gravity!!!! Bloody hell. -9.8 x 5?....or is it 9.8^5? ..Oh well, I didnt take ap physics...but  yes..thats odd, also the earth slows down with time and will eventually stop moving, adn the moon with crash into earth!!!!(billions and billions of years from now)

OOOh Second thought?:

The Sun(again) Is just a huge star, soooooo, eventually it will swell up, engulfing earth , and stuff, and become a Red Giant... Then it gets suctioned up into a white dwarf, much lik eth erest of our stars, and burns out...Which makes you think, thiers over 100 billion stars in our galaxy alone: Imagine how many of those were previous galaxies..and how fuckign old the universe is. Like, were barley a drop in the bucket..adn here we are tryign to prevent the inevitable, all for what? Really? We cant stop this, and tryign is just a huge waist of time and money which seriously has no value, like..human existance is pretty much like when you were a kid adn you peed your self in class.. a memory that made no impact what so ever on your life today as an adult, or even your teen years.
What a meaning less thing! Just the insignifacance is amazing to me. So intresting.
Then you think of how complexed we all are, I almost feel like an iditot until I remember that Im gonna die soon..It could be a second from now as Im typing this, or it can be 2012 during the probable solarflare, or 2020 when earth may also end, or when im in my 70s, so I suppose I have to make the complex worth while..I have to use the human-ness of infatuation, romance, endorphins, cruelty, and rationalism to satisfy my existance, to make me think "Hey, you did pretty fuckin alright considering the open windows."... Just mind blasting.

And now Im thinking of how much time I have on my hands...all the time. Today I talked to two lizards, a well developed moth adn saw a father and son lizard just chilling out on the rose bush, like tourists at the beach tanning thier asses for a more distinguished bikini line. It was just fantastic, I feel so lucky that I find nature so amazing, even the little 30 second clips are somewhat motivating... just for some reason...idk..  Just I love it! oooo I found that Ive had an ohm on my tooth for like ...a while..maybe its a prohealth crest tooth paste stain..but its been there for a while im sure. DO you have any idea how great that is to a Hindu? Of all people I get one????? Which now brings me to the man vs himself conflict of "Why me?" but all in good time...like everythign else.

Oh god my corn plant is surviving! And doign great..I cant wait to eat home made corn!!!! I love home grown goodness. Everythign tastes so much better.. Like bannanas.. I hate store bought bannanas.. thier absolutley flavorless. Homegrown is so much sweeter, adn not like a sugar sweet, its like the sweet that literally tickles your soul... You know what I mean? God Im glad I was raised the way I was... life just feel so much sweeter sometimes. I never want to live in New York... or those kind of places...

Bloody hell summer is boring. ts also really hot.

We went for a walk to the dq on the street corner. It was nice. July 4th wasn't anything special.

My salamander embryos are coming along nicely. Im still not 100% sure if they're salamanders, but its plausible. I hope they are though. That would be cool.

I planted more things.. lettuce, sweetpea, and somethign which I cannot recall. I bought a bright green , and yellow pot.. its cute.
I was drilling the wholes in on the bottoms, and I accidentally melted one of my dads drillbits. Oh well. It was cool while it lasted.

I cant watch movies with anything not normal because then I cant sleep. Im not scared...Just paranoid...really really paranoid. I watched "Knowing" last night. It was good, but just the fact that I truley think thats possible made me stay up until 4oclock in the morning till I paranoided myself to sleep. Oh well.

Ive been gettign back into the studying groove. Ive also been talking on the phone more often... Its good. I need to wash my quilt.. its smells like food. I hate that cause then I cant take my sleeping seriously.

I got an electric toothbrush!!!! Its great.. i lik eit alot. Ive also become more familiur with flossing. I stil hate it.. I always will. My k-9's are really shiny though..

I kinda hate that I have no science classes for fall semester. It makes me feel worthless. Oh well. I guess psycology has a wee bit of brain in it... so it works. I like the brain.

Im famished. I just cant find anythign worth while to eat.. nothing that "hits the spot"...I feel like baking. But my cooking/baking has been making me and my sibilings fat. Equilibrium.

Hahaha, Christine has to carry around on eof those Epinephrine pens. HOW FUN! I really oatn to be the one around when she has vaso contaractions so I can stab her with it. It loosk so fun. But im sure Ide be a little apprehensive if the oppertunity arrived though. My hair cut makes me look chill. Like.. zen-ish.. a little yoga instructure. I like yoga.. good shit. kinda like yogurt.. I at fro-yo .. the chocolate one.. it tasted like mint.. quite disappointed... I think Ill go eat my 3rd world country chocolate bar now.

Im going to trinidad for my uncles wedding in december.. "soca christmas" We can finally have some fun in the mountains, I think Ill give surfing a go(makes our surfers look like pussies!!!!!! the waves are well over 30 feet), so Ill go do weights at bc for a while and get my swimming down... I hope all goes well, thiers alway ssome kinda drama. Oh well. Its cause we're american and they think we look cleaner... Which we do.. We stick ou tlike soar thumbs.

Hehe, I just got off the phone with kyle.. sounds like he's having quite the time at fsu... what fun.

ok.. im hungry.

Of boredom.

Im very bored. I was looking at some blink preformances from Jimmy Kemmel and noticed the only one fucking up is Tom...predictable..hmph. Oh well.

The cookies I made yesterday actually came out great!

Studyign chemisrty still. I decided to learn all the names of the elements group by group excluding the transition metals so I wouldnt have to keep flipping back and forth through the book. : (Alkali Metals)Lithium, Sodium, Potassium, Rubidium, Ceasium, Francium (Alkaline Earth) Beryllium, Magnesium, Calcium, Strontium(Burns red!), Barium, Radium, (G3A) Boron(rhyms with moron), Aluminum, Gallium, Indium, Thallium, (G4A) Carbon, Silicon, Germanium, Tin, Lead(plub-lub, hence pb), (G5A) Nitrogen, Phosphorus, Arsenic, Antimony, Bismuth ,(Chalcogens) Oxygen, Sulfur, Serillium, Tellerium, Polonium, (Halogens) Flourine, Chlorine, Bromine, Iodine, Astatine, (Inert Gases) Hellium, Neon, Argon, Krypton, Xenon, Radon!

Woo. Im gonna time myself next time. How this will help me?... I dont know.. but Im convinced it will.

My rib itches. I moved Willard to a bigger pot.. its nothing fashionable sadly, but I was in a rush... Oh well, he seems to like it cause its spiked in growth in ONE DAY!!! I thought it was in a dormant phase.. but now its budding!

My hair is falling out.. like.. really bad. Oh well.
So as far as bring together my classes goes ive got yey so far:
Nightengale for enc1101... Hunt for Ethics... Bernstien for Psychology
I need to see if theres any bio open...woops.. i guess i foudn somethign to bored me!
I want a hot teacher. But we cant have it all right?

I was watchign some documentary on a little bird, and it  makes this little "beep" sound to attract its mate, but not with its vocals, but the fast flap of its wings. Its ulna is bigger and more dence than the average bird bone.. this allows it to beat its wings against eachother at 100 beats per second, creating the beep sound. The lady then said "Natural selection is mechanics, but sexual selection, that's art!" It was just like.. idk, a power to the peopel moment without having anything to do with the people... I just love that line though. iTS SO TRUE!!! the only species that probably fails to represent it humans. The female is supposed to pick a mate which best shows the qualities she would want in her offspring. The human race instead chooses a mate for dumb reasons(or thats what it would seem, outside the box... which brings me to a new subject.. I remember when I was poll working, thier was this kid who was my bud for the day.. he was quite the pessamist after a while, I said "I'm pretty good at thinking out of the box" h  says "Thinking outside of the box is just thinking in someone elses box". What the hell is that? Ef him.. no wonder why hes depressed. Ooo adn then I was like telling him what I was into and my hobbies and talents and stuff and he goes "Ahh, A jack of all trades, but a master of none." Im like.. "?" Serious much?) Theres no room for sarcasim with some pople, it just makes me more keen on my sarcasm.. what ever that means.

Im gonna go see if theres any bio open.

I went to the BC orientation today. I got what I expected. Maybe its because i was more keen to it, but anywho...
The little girls, immature (not saying im elizabeth), always want to start something, absolutley direspectful, and over all a disgust to my sences all around. Then theres the other people who think there on top of the pecking order looking as full of themselves as ever. The campus was the size of idk.. but its was clutterd. Everyone has some kind of complex. There was one girl who seemed okay, till I was disappointed with her lack of good judgment... follow the leader sort of thing.

I think Maggie, Christine, and Orane are going to be my only friends. Im not in the mood what soever to sort through 3x^2 +1000 worth of a population for people who are worth it. Amber.. fuck you for going away.. I say that with love of course. The whole time I was thinking, "I got into FSU... I'm a Seminole!!! My clasrooms are bigger than this.. my campus is 40x's this.. I DIDNT WORK 4 YEARS FOR THIS!!!!!". But more or less I had to kill that cause look at the upside, a poor girl like me cant afford out of county, so 2 years for free seems well off. Its only 2 years. They also have alot of treadmills...so thats handy.

All I know right now is that teh "Freshman Frenzy" is on September 12, and I'm most likley going to have Eng1101 hon with professor Nightengale on Mondays and Wendsadays. She seems nice.

My mom told my grandmother(dads mom) about the whole issue thats been grinding my gears, and my grandmother gave me this bible thing shes had for 30 years. Shes like "Please, dont give up hope. God Isn't sleepin, he's just slow" It made a little sence.. but I think he's sleeping. I wouldnt blame him, i really wouldnt. But I'll read it casue she asked me too. I suppose it will do me some good. "Yeh get cerdit fu tryin!"

In more brighter news, looks like I might have a Soca Christmas guys! Trinidad for december cause my uncle may be finally getting married! Its about bloody time.. the amount that man must of had.. oh dear. I know exactly what to get him!!!! He will be absolutly thrilled!.. He may even cry! I love making peope cry .. for good though. I dont wanna go to trinidad for christmas.. its 100degrs all the time.

I made a little kid scream today.. I was just tellign him to tie his shoes before he tripped. Oh well.

Eating Cheerios.. Have a new phone.. as you should already know. Its good. but not the iphone.. which is better... and funner...deffinatly funner. Fun is good.

Okay I walked like 2 1/2 miles after I ate and I died of cramps, but yeah.. Im tierd.. NITE NITE! What good is the insert button anyway!!!! bloody hell.

I was just looking at my writing folder throughout my highschool years. Ms.Peacock gave it to us on the last day... havn't opened it until today... but yes to the point.. I have improved significantly!!! In freshamen year I was suuucchhhhhhh a slacker!!! Good lord. All the poetry and story writing was either superbly deep, or top notch. Im so hot.
I have enclosed a sample of my ( raw talent )

Like ...christ that was deep.. an Apostrophe about a bloody grapefruit tree...
Hmm Ive been cooking allooottttt these days... like.. alootttt. Why you ask dear child of mine? Well, m sibilings have been hungry and all but I are too lazy to make something for us. Oh well. I feel like Im such a little indian girl... cooking, cleaning, sewing, A student, long hair, talk when spoken to, and more.. oh wel.. i win.

Hmmmm. So bored. Im re-trying harvest cause its summer and the rains are brilliant.. I thiink I'll start again the next harvest moon. Makes sence no?

Brownies just came out of the oven adn they are mighty delicious.. adn i just made flan! mainly cau sht eoven was on and ive ben cravingflan.. my sibilings wanted the brownies.
My teeth are gonna fal out. my sibilings are watchign friday the 13th.. I cant watch horror movies cause I'm parinoid. They dont scare me when I watch them.. but they tak elike.. a life long trauma effect.

Poppin champainge and eating brownies. I have to pee. its not as seroius as the other day though.

I cant find anythign intresting to talk about... cant think of anything! Me and my mom have been going for walks.. mighty good.. I just need to do aerobics in between.. Oh well.. Ill find a way.

Ok ,im gonna go find something to twiddle with.

issue: back to normal..or is it?

For more recent news:
Oh god I love The Lawrence Arms!

Planted Oregenoo today and moved ashley my bell pepertree to bigger and better things as well as my zenias.

Went to the beach, water was clear..perfect! swam swam swam. Ha i found a dollar, went to show my mom onshore and she says "you know, that may be an offering from one of the hatian voodoo people to there water gods" .. so it actaully made sence, so i put it back.

I have to pee.Its pretty serious.

Cant wait to get out out out. ... 2 years and counting.

Cant wait to go back to school, maybe ill save myself from a psychiatrist.

Ive realized that im parinoid

Um. I have stress induced tension headaches! or hypertension..im actaully hopign for the stress migrane cause.. i dont want to be genetically worried.

itching my brain.
and my toe.and knee.. fuck this! i have contageous itches to myself adn relivant limbs.

hmmm. i made a series of diffrent origamis ...just for fun.. a bug of some sort.. a dog box!..cool. a bird box!..not as cool as the dog box. yesterday i made a panda...a duck.. adn a parikeet... and im getting better! causeim doing 4 adn 5 star one snow!!! how good.

With the insperation of Alejandro BOYFREIND! as more commonly know (i jus tcall him that for giggles) , I finally googled "Nothing"'s part of speech.. which according to more than one source is everypart of speech. I say FUCK THAT! Its no part of speech.. hmph.. im right. Fuck google. I like google though.. its good for nothing... so much information that you cant find what your lookign for half the time..

Ive been finding alot of good punk latley! not even kidding! How happy it makes me! I feel like I'm in 7th grade again. Fuck i was such a cool little punk rock chick back then.. now i dont know what i am.. Im perfect... hehehahahah HAHAHAH. idk.. that would be cool, but then ide be dead.. so im just really fabulous.. my grand mother said self prais eis no praise, but do you think im relaly gonna wiat around to have people tell if im great or not.. fuuuckk thhhatttttt. but they tell me im fabulous anyways..
im good with motivational speeches.. why.. idk.. i should go tour elementary schools nation wide.

ok so todays circumstances changed considerably! Fuck I hope. hesnomad on sat. Like how manipulating can onemanbe? I know she loves him but like... Idk. Oh well change comes in suprising ways. Il find something .itouches are wired to post on. And I'm fine,just more contemplative than ever! But I'm fine. Ambs I have chpter 2 by the way tell me if u want it. Note I guess. Ugh eff' it all bro. I can't wait till school starts!!!! Away from here for4 hours. I wish I coulda gone to FSU.

First ,if we see each other ever again be tuesday the day I die, promise me you'll never think of me any diffrent, I only type this as a semi-confession, and to answer any plausible questions. :

We told mom whats really been going on. About my dad. Long story short: I dont have to run away anymore.
When he comes home today she said she'll make him an ultimatum: Get a clean divorce, or we call the cops.
Im a little scared about tonight. We hid the gun, so I guess thats good. I have on a sweatshirt and tights incase I have to fight.
I'm shaking a little though.
Wish us luck.
I hope this ends well.

(slight adjustment to this entry):

This is all going down on teusday. I really dont know what to expect guys. All I can truley say to you two who mainly read my entries is I really truley love you guys. Dont let it matter that I dont really see you guys or talk to you guys. You have truley changed me, so if you ever think you don't make a diffrence in life or to anyone, or you dont know who your helping, or you think no one cares about you just remember me. Know that you guys have made a diffrence in my life tramendously. During every highschool day I'de wake up excited to go to school just to see you guys and spend time with you. Forget any little fights or if at sometime in life you decide to hate me, but you did make a diffrence and i do love you guys. You don't and never will completely understand this, or me for that matter.

I have many things I dont tell you guys. My tough ways or agressive ways is all an instant reflex and I appoligize that anyone has ever been a victim to it. I dont know why Im saying this now, I guess Im just worried. I have learned to put my feelings aside and to embrase anger and fear as a motive to do better. My true emotions of hapiness is only something you guys would know becasue thats what i feel when Im around you guys. The bus ride home is just an elevator to my hell. My home is not a home because when Im there I have to be afraid for my life. I have no home. My home is in the morning spot for the past 4 years, or the cougars den, or even great wraps. Hopefully  I'll be able to have a home at bc, or hear since my dad will be gone.

I really dont know why Im telling you guys this. Im very eager to erase all of this. Like.. a silent confession. i think I might. Ill just leave the good stuff. Im pretty sure Ill be alright becasue I dont feel fate. I heard you usually feel it. The next time you call me amber there is a very good chance that I will be crying on the phone. Im sorry if this scares anyone or you think im hormonal or over emotional. I just feel like ive been quite much too long.You know, jus tkeeping up the momentum. Oh yes things Ive learned about life so far:

+, and like everyone tells you "Dont judge people because you dont know what goes on with them behind closed doors". +Everyone has there own battles to fight, and not everyone can be happy. +God is energy, he does not answer your prayers maybe theres someone listening, but you have to make it happen for you. Im not a pesimist, I am just proof. I tried praying, he never answered.+ Nobody changes + Trust no one.+ life is abotu equilibrium... bnot done with that theory yet.. but its deveolping, ill knwo for sure when I die. But so far as far as teh dead goes, equilibrium... just remember that.

I hope this isnt my last entry and thanks for being an escape. I also greatly believe I have just ruined my relationshps with you guys, oh well. I geuss you should know what exists.. I shouldnt cheat you from that, I cant hogg all my knowledge. Maybe this will inspire you.

How about today had more drama than nessacary...
A. we already know this... dumb shone. hahaha
Im so happy to be done with these years.. I wasnt so sure a couple weeks ago.. but man do things happen at good tiems

B. I am never again aloud to hang out with my freinds... like.. small small tihngs like goign to the park instead of the mall.. like WTF! all we did was make braclets?

C. I am not aloud to g oto the Blink concert.... WTF WTF WTF WTF! ill find a way.

Over all I think I've learned alot today though... I feel so dumb though abotu teh park thing..WHY COULDNT I JUST LIE!!!!

"Im not afraid to slit a bitch!" hahahahahaha. oh god Im so happy I got atleast one chonga to say somethign dumb before I left high school.

I couldnt ask for a better birthday present. Blink starts touring from July 24 to October. The dates arent yet posted, btu yeah....woo!

Ambers, no lie, i felt like I was tresspasing today+ the bell didnt feel like ours.
Today once again was fun ,but went really fast though. Im very happy wit hour braclets. ash is making us switch it to the righ thtough...thats gay! But w/e... i think ill just keep mine on my left. Your dress looked nice on yo uby the way. The pics we took were really nice. And tha corsett was pretty sexy. I liked it. I like trying on shone clothes for fun. Hmmmm. TOMORROW IS THE LAST DAY! no more anything. Ahhhhh. this is exciting. I really like hanging out with you. Kyle... kyle is a good one to shop with... no lie.

On the senior breakfast day:photobooth pictures. Okay? hmph... we always pass it by.